Dating can be a nerve wracking experience. What’s the other person like? Will you hit it off? Will you have anything in common? What will you wear? Do you look okay? How fancy is the restaurant? What should you eat?

That’s a lot to worry about, not to mention if you’re an individual living with incontinence! Don’t let it get you down. Being prepared, and keeping a few tips in mind, can help take the stress out of the situation and let you confidently enjoy dating…and maybe even have some fun, which is the point of it all, isn’t it?

Be Prepared

Planning ahead and being prepared is half the battle. Ensure that you pack adequate changing, cleaning, and disposal supplies. Many absorbent pads come in small wrapped packages that can conveniently fit inside a pocket or purse.  There are also products that have odor-preventing features which can help you avoid any potentially embarrassing smells, however carrying a small amount of perfume or cologne is a good idea, if not only to help you smell good (just be careful not to overdo it!)  

Be Familiar with your Surroundings

If possible, suggest a restaurant or café that you’re familiar with so that you know where the bathrooms are. This will allow you to easily and conveniently excuse yourself to go to the washroom to change. Another thing to do is double voiding (emptying the bladder twice, 10-15 minutes apart) before your date, which can help you avoid having to frequent the bathroom too often. If you’re stressed about having a severe episode of incontinence, have an escape plan ready. Have a nearby location available where you can take the time to properly clean and change yourself. It’s okay to have a cover story and bring it up early on in the date. Something as simple as texting a friend to give you a call pretending to be a relative who needs to be picked up from the hospital will work fine. Just make sure you let your date know that you’re not ditching him/her and that you would love to have a second date another time (or if you’re not into them, you can simply escape!).

Be Confident

Confidence is attractive! Not only should you be confident for your date, you should be confident in your ability to manage incontinence. You don’t need to bring it up during the date if you don’t want to, and should only bring it up if you feel comfortable doing so. Remember, incontinence is a physiological condition and is nothing to be embarrassed about, just as a person with a severe nut allergy wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask if a dessert contains peanuts.

Be Comfortable

Depending on the severity of your incontinence, there are a large variety of products available. Choose one that you feel comfortable in and isn’t noticeably visible under your pants. If you are required to wear absorbent underwear or an adult diaper rustling sounds can be a concern. Be sure to wear a product that has a cloth-like backing to keep any potential noise to a minimum.  If you plan on doing any physical activities like dancing, bowling, or mini-putting, research products that are designed for active individuals. Wearing the right product in the right size will help you forget you’re even wearing it!

These tips should help you have a fun an enjoyable date. Lastly, remember that your date is looking to get to know you, and if you hit it off with them, the fact that you live with incontinence shouldn’t be a big deal. 

Talking with your child about incontinence is never easy. However, the task gets harder when your child is a teenage boy. After all, boys don’t listen too well, are less concerned with their physical safety, and don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves. Therefore, you need to know how you can tackle them so that they can learn what they need to know about incontinence.

As this may be new territory for you, here are some tips to help you effectively discuss teen incontinence with your son.

Decide Who Should Do the Talking If your son is closer to your spouse or to one of his siblings, you should entrust them with the task of talking to him. This is important because they know how to communicate best with your son without ruffling his feathers. Besides, he may trust them a little more, which means that he will be a little more receptive to what they say. Remember that this isn’t a popularity competition; so do what is best for your son rather than what gives you more importance in their life.

Be Prepared for a Response While talking to your teenage son, you should expect them to respond to you, maybe even violently if they have developed a strong male ego so early. The key is for you to keep calm and ensure him that this is a common issue that both you and he can manage effectively. You can also explain that he doesn’t need to worry about diapers or anyone finding out about their issue and mocking their condition. However, regardless of what you do, show your son that you have his back no matter what happens.

Read as Much as You Can Boys are more analytical than girls, so expect them to ask different questions about teen incontinence. Read as much as you can on the topic so that you can provide answers. If you get stumped at any point, be truthful and admit that you don’t know about it but are willing to research it with him. Also coax your son to head to the doctor so that they can determine the best way for handling his case.

Be Gentle Even if your son is the opposite of gentle, you NEED to be gentle and empathetic at all times. If you joke about it right from the start, you’re bound to alienate your son and drive them to be aloof. Also consider rehearsing your tone. Using a very formal tone or an extremely friendly one can put your son to shame even if that’s the last thing you need to do.

Discuss Diapers Once and in a Certain Context During your first talks with your son, you need to bring adult diapers in your conversation but not as a solution for their incontinence issues. You should explain that you won’t be putting them in diapers, but they will have to learn how to use incontinence products until they can gain control over their bladder or bowel movements. You can motivate your son and ensure him that he won’t need to use these products once he learns how to fight this problem.

Keep in mind that you may face trouble talking to your son despite these tips. However, you can avoid a major fight and him not listening to you by being gentle, empathetic and well-informed.